BREAK THE "Who will Cry Syndrome. " How to Embrace and Walk Through Pain."
I believe each of us has experienced some type of heartache whether from a loved one or as a result of abusive relationships.
Abusers use several methods to keep a victim trapped. " I need you; you are my strength; I can't live without you; if you leave me I will die; fainting spells if you threaten to leave ; I am dying."
How many of us have been bullied/ harassed? Gossiped about ? Your job undermined ? Frequent broken promises ?
It was in 1972
I was in an abusive relationship. It was not physical but emotional abuse.
I don't know which is worse physical or emotional abuse. With physical abuse the external bruises will heal though the emotional scars remain. Likewise, with mental or psychological abuse, the scars will never be seen, but the pain lasts for years resulting in long-lasting and sometimes permanent effects to one’s mental and physical health.
No one knew the pain I was experiencing; no one could see my scars. No one knew the level of my depression. I kept it all bottled up inside.
I was a young woman of 26 with a husband who hardly came home at night, a heavy drinker and promiscuous. He defamed my character every chance he got and even tried to poison the mind of our children against me by speaking ill of me..
Whenever he did not come home I would spend sleepless nights fearing something terrible had happened to him. Sometimes he disappeared for days and weeks at a time.
The first time this happened, I called the police.
When he finally turned up he got very angry with me for calling the police. He said I had disrespected the home and invaded his privacy. ( how ironic) I had disrespected our home? Hmm.
You see, an abuser would always try to deflect his guilt unto the victim to instill fear. Initially he succeeded , but as he repeated this pattern I wised up.
I grew tired, depressed and lonely to the point of desperation.
I cared for others, but I couldn't care for myself. I showed love towards others, but I couldn't love myself. I became like a robot just doing what was expected of me. I bore my pain alone. The pain of humiliation and betrayal is a constant gnawing pain. It does not go away. It weighs heavily upon your spirit leaving you weak and listless.
I was in a foreign country with no close relative to whom I could confide. I had hit rock bottom, face down.
I didn't think I could make it through , but God made a way!!!!
I cried out to God day and night.
“Why God? Don’t You see? Do You care? Why won’t You answer my prayers? Will this ever end? Why can't I be happy? I needed peace.
One night, a spark ignited in my soul. God whispered in the midst of my pain, bringing clarity to my confusion and grief. Suddenly I felt as though my spirit was lifted above my suffering!
I understood then that I must endure hardship if I wanted to experience joy. I began to cling to hope.
I had to allow myself to be vulnerable to gain courage. Remaining in a state of depression was not an option.
I realized that I could not control my circumstances, but God can.
When you hit rock bottom, there is only one way to go. And that is upward.
Suddenly my heart filled with hope. And cried out “ God is my strength! He is my All! I am a child of God! He loves me! God is all abundance! He will shower me with His abundance. I have nothing to Fear.
I knew, then, that my life was about to change. I realized that the situation surrounding me was not about to change. Change had to start with me.
Instead of focusing on what I had lost, I began to count my blessings.
- I have an amazing God who loves me and promises to give me hope of a future.
- I remembered the words of a little girl in the grocery store and the warm feeling I experienced from her kind words. " Ma'am I think you are very pretty." Something so simple, but beautiful.
- I have ears to hear the sound of birds singing in the trees.
- Eyes to see the beauty of the world around me.
- Above all, I had 4 beautiful children
These thoughts revived my senses. I would no longer remain trapped in pain and depression.
After 20 years of abuse, and with the help of God, I made my exit from an abusive relationship. God made the impossible, possible.
I was now ready to
- Stand up
- Rise up.
- Speak up!
- Fee myself from bondage!”
- Choose courage over comfort .
Initially, my decision to leave the relationship seemed risky. It seemed preposterous, even impulsive, but it was the most rewarding.
My energy revived. My brain started to reboot. I could visualize new and amazing horizons.
Endings are not necessarily a setback. They are often the promise of new beginnings.
Conclusion
Trials are necessary if we want freedom and liberation. No more crying . Don't waste time crying or on self pity. Embrace your pain and trusting God, work through it.
- Dry your tears.
- Gently acknowledge and allow the painful emotion,
- Embrace it while continuing to move in a helpful long-term direction.
- Don't isolate yourself.
- Change your body posture to a confident one rather than a 'poor me" posture.
- Make positive affirmations each morning.
- I AM FREE!
- I AM LOVED!
- GOD IS MY STRENGTH!
- I AM AT PEACE WITH MY PAST!
- I CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY RIGHT NOW!
I always Like to end with the following quote:
"Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning."-Psalm 30:5.
copyrighted 2021.M.Okubo
